Sign In Forgot Password

Omer in a Pandemic

04/15/2020 12:55:52 PM

Apr15

Rabbi Brent Spodek

Now, like always, some days are better than others. 

Some days, things are flowing, I’m connected with my family, I’m engaged with my phone calls and emails, the sun is shining and I find a chance to go for a run or a hike and I’m hopeful that our collective actions will sustain us. 

Other days, I feel frustrated and irritated, easily distracted on endless zoom calls, angry at lousy weather, annoyed at my kids and deeply fearful that our inept national leadership will doom us all. On these days, I feel I don’t have the patience for anything or anyone.

Some years ago on the Days of Awe, BHA member Dan Fisherman drew a distinction between two types of patience. “Regular” patience is for things that you are confident are going to happen, even if not on the timeline for which you had hoped. The train will ultimately arrive, the child will ultimately get their shoes on.

Dan referred to a second type of patience, which he called “forever-patience,” and he thought his father Karl, who passed away in August, 2018, had this in spades. Dan said,

“...my father has more than just accepted his situation.  He is being patient with life – understanding, and even appreciative of, the nature of old age, and raring to keep going despite permanent and expanding physical limitations.  It is his constant laughter in the face of waiting to get things done that expresses this appreciation. It is what I would call a “forever-patience,” an attitude of appreciation for a situation that he can’t wait out.  Such an attitude is essentially an act of existential gratitude, some combination of that “wow” and “thank you” of the Amidah, and an acknowledgement of the personal meaning afforded by one’s being. Patience, when there is the expectation of change may be a form of “waiting it out.”  But patience without such expectation requires an appreciation of the waiting itself.”

As we enter the fifth week of this quarantine, we need both types of patience - the “normal-patience” to know that this will end, that we will again walk into shops, gather with loved ones, see our classmates, give hugs to mourners - all those things that seemed so unremarkably “normal” just a few weeks ago.

And, like Karl, we also need the “forever-patience” to know that this might not end anytime soon, and when it does end, people we love might no longer be alive, establishments we rely on might be closed and institutions we cherish might be irrevocably changed. This life we are living now - not the life we used to live or the life we hope to again live - this life, with all its fear and limitations is also life. It is not a punishment to be endured, but life itself, a worthy site of existential gratitude. 

Like most spiritual advice, that is much easier said than done. To help navigate this moment, I’m relying heavily on the daily counting of the Omer. At one level, this is a very simple practice - for every one of the 49 nights that separates Passover from Shavuot, Jews traditionally count - this is the first night of the omer, this is the second night of the omer and so on. 

At a deeper level, each one of the days is an opportunity to reflect on the spiritual aspect of the day - mercy within discipline, for instance, or humility within beauty and so on. I want to strongly encourage you to join with me and my family in this nightly counting - some tools that might help are this spiral which can be printed and posted or an app (of course) which you can put on your iphone or android

I hope these practices help me and all of us cultivate our capacity for “normal-patience” and “forever-patience” at a time when we all need more of both.

Fri, March 29 2024 19 Adar II 5784