blogs/brentspodek

For all intents and purposes, we are living through war. 

We are under siege from an enemy we cannot see and which we might very well be harboring in our own bodies. We are bracing for a death toll two to five times worse than the American fatalities in Vietnam. We know that we might not see our loved ones again. 

I led a funeral today and wore a black suit, as is customary, and wore a face mask and gloves, as is now necessary. The deceased was a beloved man who died of Alzheimers; his widow walked from the grave alone, denied a hug or even a handshake and their grown children participated via video-call because there was no way for them to be present. 

Of course, while teleconference funerals are new, war is not. 

Vayikra Rabba, an 6th century text, teaches “Even on the threshold of war, we [Jews] are bidden to begin in no other way than with peace, for it is written: ‘When you draw near a city to fight, first offer it peace.’” (9:9)

So it is with us. I wage war in my heart, often late at night while the rest of my family sleeps. I rail against our criminally incomptent president, I post sentries in my mind looking for germs on my hands which are dry and cracked from washing, I bemoan the thousands already dead, knowing that they are the little waves announcing an impending tsunami.  

I know from my near constant conversations with members of our community that I am not the only one up at night fighting this war, and I know we, the army of insomniacs, cannot win by fighting, but only by peace. 

There is no easy way to offer ourselves peace. For some it will come through practices of prayer and meditation. For some it will come through walks on these warm spring days. For some it will come over on-line gatherings, such as Gabe Lunin-Pack’s incredible online bar mitzvah, which was done with Gabe and his family on the bima at BHA, me in my living room, Cantor Ellen in hers and hundreds of others joining in from around the globe. For others, it will come through finding ways to help others, as BHA members are doing through making masks and organizing mutual aid.

We must seek peace and pursue it in every way we can, lest the war devour us whole, from without or within. In those moments when rage and despair call out to us, we must offer peace, to ourselves and to others, in our communities and in our own hearts. There is no other way.