Learning Friendship from Naomi Freeman, by Marnie Klein

Over the course of the Days of Awe, different members of our community taught us about people in their lives who embody certain middot, or character traits. As part of our communal study of Musar, or character development, we are focusing on Friendship, or ידידות this month. These are the words that Marnie Klein shared about her mother, Naomi Freeman.                                                       --- Rabbi Brent Chaim Spodek

My mom has this unusual habit. Anytime we’re anywhere, doing just about anything, she’ll strike up a conversation with someone. On the checkout line at the grocery store. Waiting for the bathroom at a restaurant. She even struck up a conversation with a security guard at the West Wing of the White House when we visited last year. (To go on a tangent--her government job granted her access to some guest passes, and we were lucky enough to snag them while Obama was on vacation! It was a great tour, and the security guard she shmoozed with actually guarded the Oval Office, so that we could spend a little extra time looking there while she chatted him up).

Anyways, I should clarify that these conversations aren’t about anything particularly special or relevant to our lives. It’s small talk. They’re about the weather, some common identifiable interest, like the book someone’s holding or the article they’re reading on the bus. And for most of my life, I’ve found them really embarrassing. I’m of the generation of earbuds and texting, where it is increasingly easy for us to stay in contact with friends through private conversations in public areas. Who in their right mind violates social norms of talking to strangers so consistently! And why? What is the value of generating so many different short-lived interactions?

I get it now.

This is the first time in my life that I’ve moved somewhere more than ten miles from my house. This is my first new city, where everything--and critically--everyone, is new. So I’ve had to challenge myself to get out of my comfort zone and introduce myself--again, and again, and again. And those first interactions start with that little bit of small talk. That “hot out here!” or even an “excuse me!” is enough to break the thin but powerful barrier we put between each other. I can build a conversation that becomes meaningful, and even make a friend through the smallest interaction. And, like my mom has done her entire life, I’ve had to do it over and over again.

And it’s led to incredible strides in my first two months here. I know lots of young people in town. I’ve met people in New York City, in Walden, in Newburgh. I miss my friends deeply at home, but I know that good friendships can take off when in close proximity. Time apart does not break those strong bonds.

But I’ve learned the value of the art of conversation. Even with friends far away, a phone call is worth so much more than a million texts. And here in Beacon, showing up to events and doing things--finding ways to meet people in the community--is the way into finding new roots.

So, I finally get my mom’s habit. I’m taking it up as well. Because sometimes it’s just small talk. But sometimes, it leads to a whole lot more. I just have to take the leap and start a conversation.