Learning Courage From My Brother, by Susan Paykin

Over the course of the Days of Awe, different members of our community taught us about people in their lives who embody certain middot, or character traits. As part of our communal study of Musar, or character development, we are focusing on Courage. These are the words that Susan Paykin shared about her brother, Adam Paykin.                          --- Rabbi Brent Chaim Spodek

In mid September my younger brother Adam boarded a plane by himself headed to Munich, Germany, where he will be living and studying for the next academic year. Adam is 20 years old, and I’m so excited for him to have the experience of studying abroad for his junior year of college.

It takes courage to pack up and leave your school, your friends and your home to live in another country for a year. In doing this, how many of us are brave enough to re-position ourselves in relation to the world around us? How many of us would feel ready to introduce ourselves to that world?

Adam is. Not only did he display this courage in his decision to travel abroad, but he embodies it every day. Adam is trans. He began visibly identifying as trans several years ago, as a teenager. His public identity as ‘male’ has evolved alongside his private one.

Every day Adam is forced to confront what it means to identify as a trans person in a country that not only implicitly teaches, but also explicitly legislates, adherence to a gender binary. This is what my privilege looks like: as a cis white Jewish woman in 2017, I cannot imagine what it is like to be told that your identity, your sense of self, is wrong, weird, or bad. As a trans person, Adam confronts this when doing something as simple as using a restroom in a restaurant. We’ve foolishly allowed our society to be defined by boxes to check, and not the distinct, unique qualities that each of us embodies.

The ignorance that Adam, and other trans people, must deal with every day is daunting. This is how I know that Adam possesses a gargantuan reserve of courage. He is writing his own story, living his life as the person he feels called to be. Just by existing, he is resisting. And I am so proud of the young adult that he has become - smart, witty, thoughtful, and now, global. What a blessing it is for this to be his way, and what a blessing it is to experience his courage, challenging the oppressive social norms that hurt us all.

Hillel taught, If I am not for myself, who will be for me? We all know that we must summon a great ideal of courage in standing for truth and justice in the world around us. My brother Adam reminds me that this also means having the courage to be the most authentic, loving version of yourself.

G’mar chatimah tovah.